It’s an act of generosity that we don’t endlessly hassle ourselves to be better or different. We can grant ourselves permission to be as we are right now. Moody, tight, buoyant, or excited.
This is also an act of generosity to others. Without realizing it, many of us are paranoid that we feel more turmoil than others, that we are struggling while others are not. By allowing your humanity, you invite others to be similarly gentle and accepting of themselves. You model bravery within a culture that encourages us to project invulnerability and perfection. Life is not butter and you are not a hot knife.
Again, we are not saying that we need to stay as we are – unemployed or covered in breadcrumbs – forever. But we give ourselves permission in the moment to be as we are. We don’t want to waste this disappointment, resentment, or broken-heartedness. We waste it by pushing it away and judging ourselves, deciding that this moment is a mistake. We put our heart on a shelf and strap on the old brain helmet, trying to think our way to comfort. Instead, we can utilize our pain and transform it by being kind to ourselves and using our own suffering to soften towards others. We can waddle down the runway, blaze a new path for others that isn’t marked by coldness.
Here’s a practice: Feel into your throat, chest, and jaw. Not like a microscope, but including these parts of you along with your environment. Remember that embodiment can include the vast space around you. Even folks in a tiny NYC apartment can stretch their awareness from the Hudson to the East River and all the way across the great Atlantic… (This helps us be present to our internal life without obsessing about it.)
In closing, my frequent reminder is – stop trying to be good.
Stop trying to be good. Stop trying to be good. Stop trying to be good.
Stop trying.
Just be.
Look around.